Better but not 100%

I feel better today but I don't feel fantastic.  I am going to go to bed early to see if we cannot maintain the upward direction of how I am feeling.

I am pretty much done with law school.  I have a couple of things standing between me and graduation but they are small and just time consuming.  I am kind of excited about it being almost over.  I am also not excited about it being over.  I want to stay in one place with all my friends for longer.  I don't want us to scatter.  I want us all to live in the same place for the rest of our lives.  I know this cannot happen, and I know we all need to get away from this place, but I don't want us to separate.

Anyways, getting ready for bed right now.  I have an errand to run before bed, but I am going to bed soon.  Hopefully I can get rid of the remnants of my illness before softball tomorrow.

SICK

I have a stomach virus or some such thing.  Moving hurts.  I have been like this for a little over 24 hours.  It has just gotten progressively worse.  I almost couldn't sleep last night the pain was so bad.  I am hoping it is a 24 hours bug and leaves me soon.  Until then, in bed, watching TV and drinking plenty of fluids (assuming I can move to get them).

Bragging (A Teeny Bit)

Given that I love sleeping, more than I love just about anything else in the world.  And I don't have to be up for another hourish, I want to brag a little that I am awake and getting ready to work out! :)

Chest and back here I come!

All-Nighter and Pasta

I pulled an almost all-nighter last night.  It was an almost all nighter because I slept for about three hours.  It was all my fault.  I am the worst procrastinator ever.  Don't get me wrong, I get my work done and I do it well, but when I am not in a job related situation, and I can have all night, I tend to take it.  I completely re-wrote a pleading, edited a ten page memo (adding four extra pages), and edited a brief (adding three extra pages), in about six hours (while watching TV).  Then I napped and spent some time editing the grammatical errors, citations, and filling out a time sheet.  I am sure I missed some words but overall the documents are strong and I am proud of them.  Being the complete gunner that I am, I want to edit it one more time and send in my new edits.  I think I wont do that.  I might mention something about it to the professor and see what he says.

Tonight the Italian is making dinner.  I am excited.  He is an amazing cook and I love to eat.  It is going to be a good combination.  I cannot stay long, because I have to get up early tomorrow, but I am looking forward to it.

I did not exercise today (nor do I plan to).  I am going to exercise tomorrow before I start my errands.  I am also going to clean my house tomorrow.  Now that the assignment I handed in today is done, I have very little standing between me and graduation! :)

I also failed at eating so far today.  I am sooooo hungry.  I am going to have to get a snack before dinner.

Also, I want to chop my hair off.

Church and Basketball

I went to church this morning.  I didn't realize how much I have missed being in church until this morning. I think that the part that I enjoy most about this church is the fellowship and friendship that every single one of the members displays to everyone.  There were guests today and people came from other parts of the church to make sure that the guests felt welcome.  That is a rare occasion anywhere, but it especially surprises me in a church.  I know that may sound odd to people but in my experience churches are the biggest clique I have ever encountered.  And as we all know, trying to become a member of an already established group is one of the hardest things in life.  This church makes a point of welcoming people and making sure that they know that their presence is noticed and appreciated.  The other great thing about this church is the new pastor.  He is so wonderful.  He is charismatic, funny, intelligent, and a great public speaker.  His sermons are always interesting and never long.  He truly is a great man.

I know that church and basketball don't usually go together but we watched the VCU v. Kansas game after church today. We watched it because we are from Virginia and we enjoy watching Virginia teams.  So, GO RAMS! Final Four.  (Also, I realize that if you know me it is surprising that I watch basketball.  I started with the boy's school team and started to sort of enjoy it.  It can be pretty interesting.)

Anyways, back to working out tomorrow.  I am also going back to monitoring what I eat.  I stopped during spring break and I need to start again.  I know I feel better when I eat better.  So my goal is to gradually get back to where I was before spring break both in eating and working out.  Wish me luck!

Confession

I've got another confession to make - I miss you.  I do.  I don't want you back in my life, cause the truth is that it is so much better without you and your drama.  But I miss you.  I miss what we had.  I miss the security that your friendship gave me in the uncertain times of my life.  I miss your support.  I miss your laugh.  I miss your smile.  I miss our fun.

I've got another confession to make - I don't miss you.  I miss what I thought we were.  I  miss what I thought we had.  I miss my belief in the security of our friendship.  I miss the safety that I made myself feel.  I don't miss your drama.  I don't miss your mistrust.  I don't miss your judgments or your opinions.

You were a part of me for a long time.  And sometimes that is hard to let ago.  I think the first step to healing is admitting.  So I am admitting.  Sometimes, when life becomes overwhelming and I am tired, I miss you.  And then I think about how you walked away and I realize that I don't miss you - that you were not as great of a friend as I made you out to be.  And then, I still miss you.  I guess that is what happens when you love someone completely and then you lose them.  You understand that you were not right for each other, that you did not mesh, that things were not perfect - that, in fact, you were never really friends, but you still ache for them.

You are a good person.  You are just not a good person for my life. Thank you for walking away.  Thank you for severing ties.  Thank you for allowing me the space and time to heal and better myself.  I wish you all the best.  Please don't ever try and come back.

Long time...

...no talk.

What up blogging world?  I am so bad at this updating thing, you would almost think I don't have a blog.

On the fitness front: I have been TERRIBLE.  I tried to work out during my spring break (which was the second week of March) and succeeded four of the eight days we were gone.  I tried to make a post from my phone on the way home but it did not work.  Anyways, one of my friends, The Italian, worked out with me most of the days.  It was pretty fun.  Since coming back for spring break (the past two weeks), I have failed miserably.  I am averaging maybe three days of exercise a week, if I am lucky.  My plan is to fully jump back on the bandwagon this coming Monday.

Personal front: Spring break/awesome friends/puppy time/getting to see the boyfriend again have all helped to bring me out of my slump.  The Italian and I made dinner one of the nights we were in Florida and we each drank a bottle of wine while cooking.  We then proceeded to be partners in a game of bang and drink adult chocolate milk (introduced to me by the Italian).  This was just one of many epic nights in Florida.  I truly love my friends and am oh so very blessed to have them.

Odd comment front: A girl I met in college, and have remained friends with on facebook, got married yesterday.  I am super happy for her, she looks happy in all of her pictures and he seems to love her very much.  But that isn't what my comment is about.  R and I have been talking about getting married lately and everyone I know that is in the process of getting or already married keeps telling me that my wedding isn't for me, its for everyone else.  I am firmly against this.  I want my wedding day to be what I want it to be and not what everyone else thinks it should be.  That is why I admire this girl so much.  She married into the military and was forced to move her wedding date up 8 months due to some military stuff.  I saw her wedding album today and she got married in a purple dress with the cutest red high heels.  She had a small ceremony, with none of the traditional stuff, and looks incredibly happy in EVERY SINGLE PICTURE.  I have been in two weddings, and been to more, and have seen wedding pictures where the couple is clearing unhappy with what is happening but are obliging their families.  It is nice to see someone who wants their family to be happy (I am of course assuming this given what I know of her from school) but is still willing to exert themselves and have their day the way they want it.  So, anyways - congratulations to the newlyweds, may everything in your new life be exactly as you hope it will be.

Miscellaneous Life Front: Still planning to move to New York.  Still graduating in May.  Still drowning in school work.  Still just trying to make it to the finish line, only to start the next race. :)

Back on the Band Wagon

I have started working out again.  Due to sickness and craziness in my life I stopped for about a week and a half.  I started back up again last night.  I didn't do ab ripper like I was supposed because I was too tired, but I did do Chest, Shoulders, and Triceps.  It was a deadly work out.  I don't know if it was because I have not been working out, or if it was just a really hard work out, but I wanted to die.  TERRIBLE.  My arms are heavy this morning.  Today is plyo.  I am not looking forward to it. 

In other news - I have made a big life decision that I am quite content with.  I am moving to New York in July (after the bar) with my bestest friend in the whole wide world.  We are going to go up there, with no plan and what little monies we have, and make a life for ourselves.  We are going to be there for at least a year (then we may be headed to FL or TX - it is undecided as of yet, things out of our hands will make that decision for us).  I am super excited about this idea.  With her I truly feel like I can make it through anything.  I have said it before, and I will say it again, I am blessed with two great loves.  I have the boy who stands beside me no matter what and this amazing girl who loves me and makes me believe that I can do anything.  I am the luckiest girl in the world.  So, yeah - look out New York, here we come!! :)

Also, I have lost about six pounds total (I was down to about 10 but I gained some back during my work out hiatus).  I weigh less than I have weighed since I was a sophomore in high school! I just need to keep it up.  I have developed a bad relationship with food as of late (as in there is no relationship because I have stopped eating).  I need to get back into the habit of getting up and making breakfast, eating lunch, and then dinner.  I also have to stop with the terrible eating of cookies and candy that I have started doing. 

I think my poor relationship with food is the result of my current low mood.  I have slumped pretty bad.  But here in a bit more than two days I am going to be heading to FL with some of the best people I know.  It is going to be awesome.  We are road tripping down and then staying at the beach for a week.  It is going to be amazing and I feel sorry for the rest of the world because they cannot participate in our awesomeness. 

Anyhoes, sorry about the randomness of this post.  I guess if you have been reading any of them, you have realized that they are all random. :)

Sickness - Feb. 23rd entry

I am terrible - I wrote this on Feb. 23rd and never posted it.  But here, you can have it now. :)

It has finally caught up to me.  I am feeling really ill.  Luckily, I am on the "rest week" phase of P90X.  I am still trying to do the workouts but so far this week have failed.  I worked out on Monday by playing floor hockey.  We WON! (In a shootout, but where you need seven players to play, and only eight showed up (with three of them being girls) this is a pretty big accomplishment).  I get to play floor hockey again tomorrow, which should be awesome fun-ness.