Saturday, June 23, 2012

Life Gets in The Way

Hello lovely blog readers (assuming I have any left),

I am sorry I have not written in so long.  My life has literally flipped itself upside down in the past couple of weeks (although that is not a valid excuse for not having written in over six months - sorries!).  I guess sometimes life just gets in the way of doing things you wish you had more time to do.

So update: the boy has graduated, commissioned into the Navy, and moved to Florida.  Two weeks from today I will go to Florida to move into the first house that will truly be "ours", over a thousand miles away from my family.  I am terrified.  I am also excited.  He has been gone for two weeks and I feel like I am missing part of myself.  I also feel like when I move to Florida to follow him (as I always knew I would), I will find that part of myself I have been missing.  In the same breathe, I will also start missing part of myself I have never had to miss before.  I understand that we all grow up and move away from our families, but I am not sure that, even at 25, I am ready for that.  I don't want to leave the comfort zone I have called my life.  I love these people more than they know and I am afraid of what it means to start a life more than a car ride away from them.  I know I can do it, and I know that the boy is worth it, but it is still terrifying.

Today would have been my grandmother's 86th birthday.  Would have been.  She died about a week ago.  I know she is having a better birthday where she is now then she ever would have had here, but it is still a terrible thing to know she is not in the world anymore.  The absolute terrible part? I didn't cry at her funeral.  I have cried so much since leaving PA and my extended family, but while I was there, I don't think I actually shed a single tear.  My eyes welled up, and I was sad, but I did not cry. And I honestly think Grandma would be angry with me for crying now.  She told me once: "When I'm gone, don't be sad.  I had a good life.  I loved every minute of it.  I love you.  I'm going to a better place.  I'll see you again."  I miss her.  I miss her more than I thought I would.  I didn't see her regularly because she lived so far away and I guess part of me assumed that it would be that kind of missing her when she died.  It's not.  It's nothing like that.  It's awful.  She was an amazing woman who left us with an awesome legacy of love.  I only hope that I can set the example for my children and grandchildren that she set for me.

Onto happier things (which is exactly what Grandma would have wanted) - I got a job.  A real live, honest to goodness, oh gracious I am working for a law firm, job.  I even get to take it with me to FL when I go in two weeks.  EXCITING!

I have managed to keep ONE of my new year's resolutions and not eat meat that I don't know where it came from.  I actually went almost completely vegetarian for a while because I couldn't get a hold of meat that I was willing to eat.  Then I realized I don't really need (read "like") meat.  The boy was not happy about this but I have managed to fix him a few meals that he did not realize did not include any type of animal protein.  Yay me!  We will have to find a happy balance in our relationship (since he is an avid meat eater and I am clearly not) but we can manage.  He is willing to respect how I feel about meat, and I am willing to prepare it for him, so I think we will be okay. 

I think that this has officially become a long enough update about my life.  I am sure no one has missed my rambling blog posts, and I can't promise there will be more of them, but I will try. 

Kisses and hugs!