Confession

I've got another confession to make - I miss you.  I do.  I don't want you back in my life, cause the truth is that it is so much better without you and your drama.  But I miss you.  I miss what we had.  I miss the security that your friendship gave me in the uncertain times of my life.  I miss your support.  I miss your laugh.  I miss your smile.  I miss our fun.

I've got another confession to make - I don't miss you.  I miss what I thought we were.  I  miss what I thought we had.  I miss my belief in the security of our friendship.  I miss the safety that I made myself feel.  I don't miss your drama.  I don't miss your mistrust.  I don't miss your judgments or your opinions.

You were a part of me for a long time.  And sometimes that is hard to let ago.  I think the first step to healing is admitting.  So I am admitting.  Sometimes, when life becomes overwhelming and I am tired, I miss you.  And then I think about how you walked away and I realize that I don't miss you - that you were not as great of a friend as I made you out to be.  And then, I still miss you.  I guess that is what happens when you love someone completely and then you lose them.  You understand that you were not right for each other, that you did not mesh, that things were not perfect - that, in fact, you were never really friends, but you still ache for them.

You are a good person.  You are just not a good person for my life. Thank you for walking away.  Thank you for severing ties.  Thank you for allowing me the space and time to heal and better myself.  I wish you all the best.  Please don't ever try and come back.